the N word (no, not that one)…

Nipples.

That’s right, nipples. For some reason they are vulgar if we are discussing nipples on breasts (versus pecs). You know, the nipples that provide many babies (something we all were at the beginning of our lives) sustenance, nutrients, and nourishment. The things that help get us through that first year of our lives – are TABOO. Inappropriate. Vulgar. Distasteful.

Men can walk around with their nipples out but we can’t even acknowledge that women have nipples; And if we have them out we can get arrested! What kind of patriarchy hypocritical bullshit is that??

Well, today, I will be talking to you about my nipples. (Sorry not sorry.) But part of embarking on this journey into motherhood includes a lot of situations involving my nipples. More than I expected…

Ever since I had Peanut my nipples have a life of their own with lots of changes, stresses, and adventures. No one ever told me about the sweat and tears involved in caring for your nipples postpartum. At first there was no problem; as my body failed to realize that Peanut was out into the world and it was time to make nature’s horchata (breast milk). But once we began production it was full steam ahead – comfort be damned!

Let me tell you what happens to a Lady when she is a full 24/7 nature’s horchata factory: your nipples fill up, the swell, they hurt, they itch, the skin gets dry, they feel like they could explode at any minute, they look lumpy, you can get a blocked duct which creates a whole new list of problems – including possible infection, they LEAK – like A LOT. And then when your baby decides she no longer wants to latch and breast feed, you are left with used, confused, and abused nipples; with all these problems because there is no OFF switch to the horchata factory. You can’t just shut down production because the boss decides there’s no more demand. So what do you do?

Well, most of the mommy blogs and doctors tell you to ice your breasts. That will eventually stop production of breast milk. Then there are all these wacky “natural alternatives” all over the internet. Rub your breasts with cabbage, sage, random oils, etc. Reader, I’m not going to lie to you, I am not going to try any of that nonsense. Now, if you do, please message me and share the end results! But I just don’t have the energy, desire, or faith that anything outside of ice and time will work. With that being said, I have been icing for a week now and am still struggling with engorged painful nipples. And I don’t mind most of it. Even the pain. But the leaking. The fucking leaking. It gets EVERYWHERE. I hate it.

The point being, I WANT MY NIPPLES BACK! Without the leaking and the hurting and the bumpiness. So pray with me this will end soon. It is a literal nagging pain on my chest that exhausts and annoys me to the point of anxiety/panic attacks. So if you are going through this too, you are not alone. I feel your pain. Literally.

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